Weenie

Thas exacly what my dad is. A weenie. I am sooo tired of him! Seriously, like i dont understand why he enjoys having me here. All he does is yell at mee;all my grandma does is shake her head everytime she looks at me; and Diana? uh. im not guna even start with her. Trying to live in this house is like trying to live in hell! imposibble. There my family. Family should not treat eachother like this! uhhhhh! and i know what i did was kinda messed up to them buht thats how i feel and they should respect that. Buht its always been like this. Ive never really fit in with my dads family. i was always too quiet,or too loud. too smart or too stupid. i was never just right there was always something wrong with me and maybe this is why i enjoy being with my moms family. they are more loving, more how a family should be! i bet i sound like im making a big deal out of nothing. buht my point is why force someone to be here,when no one wants her here? All ive ever wanted to do is make them happy. Buht its soo hard and their nevr satisfied. So whats the point? There really isnt one.
im just so mad!!! i cant stop crying and i hate it when i cry! it makes me feel weak, and vulnerable. my dad always yelled at my boy cousins for crying, telling them only girls cried. i remembr being happy i was a girl cuz then i could cry but one day i askd my oldr cuzn why only girls could cry and he said cuz their weak. Wow. Isnt that a great anwser? ];
Ever since then ive tried very hard not to cry. Buht this year, everythings been to hard to deal with and i cant handle it. i feel like im breaking down. and no ones here to help me up! No one even cares. i read in a book that things get worse before they get better. and i wish i could fast forward time and see if its true.